Remember (and, really, who can’t help but remember such a memorable scene from Broken Hallelujah: notes from a marriage) how Lauren felt at the end of a particularly busy summer? Remember how she good-naturedly and jokingly revealed the necessity of her own institutionalization and the immediate administration of copious amounts of medication at the thought of one more “schedule-free kick back day at home” with her three children? Ah, how we laughed at that one! But now, dear friends, I–with much disheartenment and lots of empathy–can report that this writer finally has walked her own mile in that fictitious sister’s shoes. After no less than two weeks of winter “vacation”…with too few plans and too many complaints (mostly from me)…extreme cold forced the public schools to, yet again, close. This closure was, mind you, just six short hours after I had happily scooted my precocious progeny, my darling little dumplings, out the door to wait for the highly anticipated arrival of that lovely, old, and often broken down yellow school bus. What an uber-mom was I that morning, offering them a healthy breakfast, packing each an organic lunch, hushing the heartfelt, yet gratuitous grumblings of loquacious cherubs after a gratifying break, quieting their vociferous protestations as I hurried them out the door—“but, mom, I am not wearing any pants!” Now, now, …off you go…
Too brief a reprieve it was before the exponentially dropping degrees had the schools close once again…what to do? what to do? Or, I wondered as a mischievous Grinch-like grin took shape upon my face, what would Lauren do? And thus my new mantra was born…What would Lauren do? What would Lauren do? While I realize that modeling one’s actions and behaviors on a somewhat sex obsessed alcohol imbibing filterless forty-something book character like Lauren may not be the best idea, but, hey, desperate times …work with me here…SO,
I ASK YOU, WHAT WOULD LAUREN DO? WOULD SHE:
1. (Book) Porn Post:
Use the afternoon in to take sexy selfies wearing a skimpy black dress and thigh-highs while suggestively holding a copy of A. N. Roquelaure’s Beauty’s Punishment and publish it on her current favorite Tumblr site, Book Porn?
2. Book and Imbibe:
Cozy up with her favorite beverage and a copy of the recently discovered collection of F. Scott Fitzgerald’s drinking stories entitled, On Booze?
Choose an activity the kids would love and call it lunch (yeah, I know, BORING–but tasty!)?
What would Lauren do? What would you…?