Everybody Knows…

“Everybody wants a box of chocolates                                                                                            And a long stem rose…                                                                                                       Everybody knows…”

Leonard Cohen (BTW–Rufus Wainwright sings a deliciously soulful version of this song…check it out!)

Happy Valentine’s Day!

Everybody knows…especially those of us in protracted unions, otherwise known as relationships…how absolutely tricky it is to traverse the oftentimes treacherous terrain (love alliteration!) of gift giving!  Remember Lauren’s lament in Broken Hallelujah that Eric would equate everyday purchases, like a few gallons of gas to fill up her tank, with gifts?  (Those of you who have already read BH should be shaking your heads knowingly…the rest of you should be opening an Amazon window on your iPhone)…For my part, while I may not be imaginative, I at least participate in the universal day of disseminating “love” tokens.  This year I got my dh the same old, same old (boxers with a bulldog print, the statement, “I like it RUFF” emblazoned across the ass, and a pair of actual handcuffs wrapped in plastic and stapled to the groin–I know…BORING!).  I ALSO bought him a 100 piece puzzle of an adorable pug bearing a pink heart on which is printed the sentiment, Be Mine.  You know ANY man in his mid-forties is going to be PSYCHED with that!  And because relationships (especially marriages deep in their second decade) make one, if not sadistic, then mean, I–immediately after purchasing said gifts–called dh at his office and left him this message:  “Hey, Valentine’s Day lunch should be fun…do you want to exchange gifts at the restaurant or later at home…think about it…”  My dh, like Eric in BH, puts gift giving, like vacuuming the kitchen floor, squarely under the rubric, “things I only do if threatened with bodily harm”…and even then, not so much…the only exception being if you are one who is absolutely indispensable to dh’s sense of identity and daily maintenance of his very soul (like….hmmmm….his mother)  (read:  “In-laws” in Broken Hallelujah)…


I arrived home, after leaving mean message, to a beautifully wrapped box of fresh flowers.  Now, even though my first thought was that my fantasy lover should be a bit more careful, I was genuinely touched to find the thoughtful irises (my favorite flower) and red tulips (two-lips, red…subtlety is apparently lost on dh!) by our front door.  The enclosed note read:  “Leanne–You are beautiful, smart, talented, and edgy!  An amazing combination.  Love, Adam”

Well, someone is going to get use his handcuffs tonight…


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